Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
