i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize