Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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