Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
