oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
