Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
