I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
