can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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