I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
