It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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