is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
