I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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