All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
