The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
