chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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