hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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