Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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