I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
