I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just threw up on my dentist
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
