I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
