I just saw a hot homeless man
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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