i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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