Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My nipple is on Facebook.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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