Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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