You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
