getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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