true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
