I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She bit a glass in half.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
