Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
