Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
