I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
