Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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