I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
