I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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