god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
