Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Vodka?
Forever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
