it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
