my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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