Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
