READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
