So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
