it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
