I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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