Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
