My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
