She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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