Even the bartender felt bad for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
