Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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