i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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