dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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