no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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