He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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