PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize