Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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