you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
