i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
