I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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