I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
