All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
