well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
