Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it glows. i had to have it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize