dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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