I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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