Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
