the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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