Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
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