I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
