i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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