all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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