Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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