Duck Duck Cougar?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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