I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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