Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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