Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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