just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
