sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
