Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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