I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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