capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
