Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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