he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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