Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
