I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My penis needs a shock collar
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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