Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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