I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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