Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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