We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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