I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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