I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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