im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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