I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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