I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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