He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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