He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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