Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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